Dragonfruit Breathes Fire Via My Pee
But this… This water is so red it looked like I am peeing straight-up blood. And it freaks me straight out. “Oh shit,” I think. My brain goes into terrified overdrive for about thirty seconds. “Are my kidneys failing? Kidney infection? Torn bladder wall from a severe bladder infection? Has this ever happened before? Am I going to be okay? Jesus, I’m too young for cancer, right?!? Oh. My. God. I don’t have insurance. Again. What the hell am I going to DOooOOooOOoO?!?!?”
I take a few deep breaths, and start to think more carefully. “This can’t be real, it doesn’t make sense. I know this happens with beets, but I haven’t eaten beets in months… hey WAITAMINUTE… what about that fruit from last night? Last night was the first time I tried it, and I don’t even know what it’s called. And it was red like beets.
I rush over to my laptop and pound on the keys until I figure out it is called a dragonfruit. I remember sinking my teeth into the delicious, sweet juicy fruit, and not being disappointed one whit. I enjoyed every last morsel of the fruit, and greedily slurped every drop of its juice. And then went practically straight to bed. Now here I am in the morning with red pee.
And yes, it turns out dragonfruit is just as effective as beets at turning your pee blood red. And scares people just as badly.
Whew, emergency averted.
Note: I did use the mental wake-up call to contact yet another insurance company to try to get insurance that will cover me for emergencies while abroad AND in the USA 1) without breaking the bank, 2) that has a website that actually works, and 3) that will accept payment via credit card from abroad. I do carry travel insurance, but I desperately want to have a health insurance policy that covers things not specifically related to my travel, and when I am back in the States.
We’ll see if it works this fourth time around. Nobody knows what to do with me or how to insure my health, but I’m going to have another go at it.
Being foreigners and clueless, we stopped at the visitor center for help, then boarded the city bus to Monkey Mountain. We disported ourselves thoroughly climbing the mountain, and saw about a gazillion monkeys, including the cute little babies grabbing onto their momma’s belly.
After hiking for a few hours and playing with the monkeys, we caught the city bus back to Kaohsiung main station, then MRT (Mass Rapid Transit – it’s what most Asians call their subways) over to the culture center for the dance performance. As an added bonus, after an hour of searching, we found the friends we were supposed to meet there, and went to dinner together at a fantastic Indian food stall/stand.
Even so, their depictions of the four seasons through dance were eerily wonderfully beautifully captivating, and we watched the performance in star-struck awe. The sex scene for “Spring” was so explicit that many of the audience with children started leaving. It was billed as a family event, after all. And even us Westerners were squirming and thinking “whoah. Can they really do that on an outdoor stage this early (at 7:30pm)? Dang… how do they WHOAH, did you see what they just did?? WOW!”
After the sexy dance, we were left with the sense that we should grab someone and do something do them, though the exact “with whom” and “what” were vague.
All Asian People Look Alike, and None of Them Speak English… Right? RIGHT?!?
After we got off the train, Hoa spilled the beans. Firstly, Hoa is Vietnamese, not Taiwanese, though she looks close enough to be mistaken as such for folks who don’t know better (e.g.: most Americans). So the guy had been talking at volume and at explicit length in English to one of his friends about how to take advantage of women, screw them and then throw them away like dirty dish rags. Being surrounded by Asian-appearing people, he assumed they were all Taiwanese, and none of them would understand him. Whoops.
Did I mention Hoa speaks perfect English? And that she was less than five feet away from this distasteful conversation? And that he was apparently trying the exact same tactics on me that he had been describing not five minutes earlier?
Don’t be one of those people your mother warned you about. Or at least, try not to be a disrespectful idiot and hurt people around you.
Because you WILL get caught.